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| Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 | | 12:03 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 | | 12:04 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Monday, November 9th, 2009 | | 2:58 pm |
Polyamory/Multi-Partnered Research Study (cross-posted; please cross-post it yourself!)
Study on Multiply Partnered People Have you ever been in romantic and/or sexual relationships with two or more people at the same time? Were these relationships consensual among all parties, with each partner aware that you were in multiple intimate relationships? Did at least one of these relationships last one (1) year or longer? Do you have a workable knowledge of written English? If you answered yes to these questions, you are invited to share your experiences by participating in research on polyamory and those who choose to openly and consensually partner with multiple people simultaneously. If you and anyone you know who is multiply partnered wish to contribute to this study, please go to the secure research website or click on the link below to complete the on-line confidential, brief (15 minute) survey. http://spiritualpolyamory.questionpro.comThe researcher, Akhila E. A. Kolesar, is a doctoral student at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology in Palo Alto, California. She may be reached at polyresearcher@yahoo.com or 1-877-433-5143. | | Saturday, November 7th, 2009 | | 11:04 pm |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Friday, November 6th, 2009 | | 11:05 pm |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | 10:07 am |
| | 12:04 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Thursday, November 5th, 2009 | | 3:09 pm |
My Ideal Life Part Four
I was digesting some of the talk about to do lists in the car last night on the way home from munch and came (as is my wont) to an oblique conclusion. Am I too vague in my ideal life? My ideal house is as detailed as it needs to be. Any house which has the rooms I need is acceptable. Every other detail is icing. My ideal life on the other hand . . . Case study: I keep mentioning an activist element in my ideal life. This is perhaps a misnomer, I realize: political would be a better adjective, because activism is but one part of four that I can see. These would be: 1) Activism, defined as a process of engaging the system that exists in order to change it. This is constructed from rallies, letter-writing, direct involvement in the political process, et cetera. 2) Utopianism, defined as constructing the world i would like to see from the ground up, completely ignoring the pre-existing society. This is constructed through intentional community, organizational principles for any organization which I create, et cetera. Examples that do not necessarily include going elsewhere to create a new community include operating as much as possible on a gift economy and other such activities. 3) Ontology, defined as the way I walk thriugh the world. This is the self-work required of any true counterculturalist. It is constructed in the work of rooting out any *ist or *phobic mental structures I have internalized, antinomianism, and freeing myself from the chains of power-over and pop-cult poison. 4) Cultural change, defined as working nonstructurally to bring about the world I would like to see. This is constructed by raising consciousness/awareness (such as the 2nd-Wave feminists did), culturejamming, glamourbombing, et cetera). Despite this new detailing of what I mean, I have little concrete conception of how I would incorporate these into my Ideal Life, other than that I want to. This seems like a vital and lethal deficiency. The reason I started this discussion of details with politics (perhaps) is that I have seen my failures very clearly in this way. In college, I was able to plug into a pre-existing structure and community of activist folk that helped me engage these four points. When I graduated, I lost that and subsequently largely dropped out of political action, something I have beaten mysef up for far more than I should have. Politics, however, isn't the only area with this deficiency: I say "monastic" but what do I mean? What about UTMAD? Though I have an idea of what UTMAD is, it lacks a deep enough pedagogy and philosophy (and perhaps study) for me to feel very comfortable with it as an Ideal Life. Other areas, naturally enough, have this deficiency as well. But of course, this has brought up another self-criticism (no doubt internalized from my family): Am I too greedy with my Ideal Life? Do I want to do too much? Am I too hungry in my interests to achieve any real success in any of them? How can I possibly satisfy myself with parties and the four political activities, and a new form of education, and magick, and (let's just say) 4 relationships and and and and . . . I'd also like to point out that, concomitant with this prcess, my father is trying once again to help me try to get a crapjob before my student teaching. Why is it that I feel hope with each of these posts (even the ones that make me want to cry) and despair when I make plans with him? And just as a side-note, perhaps, I would like to thank the friend of mine that told me to rely more on other people for my emotional needs (you know who you are, and I hope you read this -- feel free to identify yourself if you wish, I simply wanted to leave that decision to you). I'm not at the level yet (why?), perhaps, where I am calling people to spill my guts, but this is hopefully a start. | | 12:06 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 | | 2:02 pm |
My ideal Life Part Three, again from my comments page, again thanks to the awesome Nancy Blue
I keep posting these to my journal rather than leaving them on my comments page to invite comments from those who have not commented before. Please engage me in this process! You make a good point about both concreteness and flexibility. I do worry about my accomplishment of both of those. On the one hand, concrete does seem to imply some element of practicality and, beyond implication, it does indeed, as you say, require an element of taking action and I'm never certain if I am. When it comes to flexibility, I worry about the effects of my general countercultural nature on my flexibility. I often have to dig in my heels and stubbornly say this is what I want/what I'm doing/who I am just in order to get past some troubling situations. Sometimes I feel that this has damaged my ability to have a useful vision of an Ideal life. I suppose "sometimes I worry" is an inaccurate statement -- I don't think I've ver thought of or said that statement before, but I do feel it in my chest when I write it out. To do lists are hard for me. My thinking seems not to settle easily into such an organizational pattern; I find them hard to actually hold as I walk into the future (connecting plans to actions separated from them by time); "smallest steps" seems to be difficult for me as I seem to work mostly with big concepts -- the thinker's disease; I often get overwhelmed by their size; I seem to suck at "seeing accomplishments" and maintaining the enthusiasm (thus=theos); et cetera. If you know how to help me with this kind of thing, I would be immensely garteful :-) UTMAD, for one, seems to be hard for me to put hope into. I don't know if that is merely a reflection on it being so far from cultural norms or if it is an internalized pressure to conform. An overwhelming feeling that often bleeds in when I consider these things is the question "Am I just too far out there to fit? Can I achieve any success with these ideas, let alone success that would be celebrated by my family?" That, I think, is the one thing that prevents me from doing anything to succeed and I have no clue how to handle those feelings; I am lost adrift and even my love of doubt is no lifesaver. I think only the separation of computer screen and electrons is holding back my tears right now. It's the only explanation for why I'm not crying. Somewhat along thopse lines, I have no clue if finishing my credential actually means anything to me anymore. I think it has some meaning -- it'll certainly lead to an actual job -- and it definitely means something to my family, but in the light of magickal utopian pedagogy and UTMAD, does it really mean anything or am I fooling myself? Self-delusion is a hell of a way to suicide, and no physical suicide is ever going to be my path, this is known. I have NEVER been efficient in my use of energy except for a rare few moments when I get very goal-oriented while doing work, certainly nothing that can be extended into working on my Ideal Life. And, now, I have never done any real identification to obstacles. I think such work would be emotionally wrenching for me, and I think I fear it. This is why I am asking all of ya'll for help :-) | | Monday, November 2nd, 2009 | | 3:27 pm |
My Ideal Life Part Two, cross-posted from my own comments page :-)
Thank you, Nancy Blue, for doing the obvious and hard thing. It helps me take myself seriously :-) I think getting my credential is a step towards this. I'm trying to get a placement right now for my student teaching, which has to wait for Spring. Maintaining connection with both the possible lovers I have in my life at the moment is obviously part of the work (or is that a holding pattern, which is doomed to failure? Neither is in a position right now to handle any sort of change in our relationship . . .). Attending the BDSM munch every Wednesday has moved towards getting a lover that can meet those particular needs. I'm munching on UTMAD, trying to work that out in my head so that when I do it, I have, you know, a thing to do :-) My party life seems almost at the right level, as does my RPG life, though both could use a step up (RPGwise specifically, I could go for an additional group that plays story/indie/Forgite games). Up until this past month or so, my literary life (poetry shows) has been at maintenace level, but I think I might be able to get it up to appropriate levels with the San Jose Slam and the 16th and Mission open mic. My activist life is non-existent at the moment. The moasticity of my life is largely absent. I was doing well last year at this time, but my grandfather's death on Beltaine weekend seems to have blown that all to hell. Of course, my daily practice isn't as polished or as inclusive as I would like it to be . . . . I have been initiated in the Ekklesia Antinoou and about half of the planetary mysteries in the Temple to Inanna and Dumuzi. I have a timeline for when I might pursue Feri initiation and knowledge of where and whom I might go for work (or at least where to look for possible teachers and whatnot) in the Aztec, Shaivite, and Umbanda traditions, and probably Thelema as well. I am, of course, a Discordian Pope. That covers, I think, every pre-existing mup dety except Hermaphroditus and Azathoth. I haven't done much work toward anything publishable in a couple of months, though I did get a slam poem out earlier in the year ("For Me the God Shiva"), I've got several words of a summation of magickal utopian pedagogy, and I've done a couple of cut-ups (I've thought about maybe publishing a collection of cut-ups). How is that answer? I feel like that's a lot of stuff, but I also feel like I'm not doing enough/the right things to achieve my Ideal Life. Am I missing something? Am I doing something completely wrong? Am I fooling myself into thinking that I'm doing work in any or many of these areas when I'm really not? | | Sunday, November 1st, 2009 | | 11:09 pm |
Ideal Life
I was thinking about my ideal life on the ride home tonight. My ideal house has been fairly well set for a while, and I think I can extend that desire into perpetuity: rather simple, with as many bedrooms as necessary (taking into account how many live-in loves I have and any children that come with or develop therefrom), a library, a temple, and maybe an office. As my life currently stands, my grandmother's house would be exactly perfect, if I ended up alone here. I've considered her condo in Santa Cruz as well, though I would have to combine the library and the office. My parents' place would, I think, be beyond perfect, with extra rooms. Life-wise, however, I feel like I got a fairly clear vision tonight, at least for now. I'd want to live a fairly monastic life, with regular devotional and magickal work. The bulk of my day, of course (my "job") would be the Uncle Travelling Matt Academy of the Derive, a model of education I'm working on that replaces the classroom with the derive (a concept developed by some post-Dada French Marxists in the '60s known as the Situationists). Ideally, this would be enacted as a gift economy, in which no renumeration is required but is happily accepted. My income would thus be supported by publishing my writing. On an individual level, I would want to distribute anything I wrote also as a gift economy, but I would like to publish them beyond my individual circles as well, and that would probably make me some money. I would want to be in a relationship, of course; I know of one person right now whom I would absolutely love to have with me, and I think one other would be amazing as well. I believe I would want to include, beyond these two, someone who could meet my BDSM needs and another person who had the proper energy to fulfill the role of Waldorf and Statler in our family rituals (with the lovers I mentioned before, I can just imagine the awesomeness of family rituals including Wicca, diksha, and mup . . .). In addition, of course, I would want an active party, activist, RPG, and literary life. Of course, this is all vision work (a.k.a., daydreaming), so it's a bit of a tall order, but visions are necessary as blueprints and goals. Unfortunately, of course, while I'm great at daydreaming I'm horrible at connecting my visions with the present. Thus, I ask ya'll, all of my friends and loved ones, for two things, both here in the series of tubes and in the meatworld: 1) challenge me to develop this vision. Ask me specific questions, offer suggestions, and help me detail the whole thing. 2) help me with the hard part. Illuminate paths to getting there, challenge me to work towards it, ask me how I am currently achieving thigs, et cetera. | | Thursday, October 22nd, 2009 | | 1:06 pm |
| | Monday, October 19th, 2009 | | 12:03 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Sunday, October 18th, 2009 | | 12:03 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Saturday, October 17th, 2009 | | 12:02 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Friday, October 16th, 2009 | | 12:03 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Thursday, October 15th, 2009 | | 12:04 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 | | 12:03 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. | | Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 | | 12:03 am |
Having witnesed Princess Teacup while was performing eir daily, a-HEM, Twitter "business", you shall now be transformed into biscotti. You can thank LoudTwitter for your current predicament. |
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